Discreet dating for married people in San Diego

Who you'll meet, and what it costs

Joining, building a profile and browsing are free; reading and replying to messages needs a paid membership, and the prices page lists the options. Prices are in US dollars. Checkout shows the billing name that will appear on your card statement, and memberships renew until you cancel in Settings > Billing. You must be 18 or over to join. Because profiles are shared with partner sites in the same network, some people you hear from will have joined through another site.

The law in California

Adultery is not a crime in California. Nor is it a ground for divorce: under Family Code section 2310, a marriage can be dissolved for irreconcilable differences that have caused its irremediable breakdown, or for permanent legal incapacity to make decisions. Neither spouse has to prove the other did anything wrong. Money, property and children are dealt with separately, so speak to a family lawyer before acting; this isn't legal advice.

Sexual health in San Diego

The County of San Diego runs sexual health clinics that test for most STIs, including HIV, chlamydia, gonorrhoea, syphilis and hepatitis B and C, and treat most of them, with PrEP, PEP and doxy-PEP support. They're walk-in only, with no appointments, and you need photo ID to check in.

The fee is $40 per visit and covers follow-up visits within 30 days. HIV-only testing is free, and the $40 may be waived if you can't pay. The clinics don't take insurance or Medi-Cal. For locations and hours, call (619) 293-4700.

The CDC's GetTested finder at gettested.cdc.gov lists other free and low-cost testing near you, and our guide to sexual health with a new partner covers what to test for and when.

If someone tries to scam or threaten you

• The FTC, at ReportFraud.ftc.gov, for romance scams and other fraud.
• The FBI's Internet Crime Complaint Center, at ic3.gov, for online fraud and sextortion.
• 911 if you are in danger or a crime is happening now.
• StopNCII.org if someone threatens to share intimate images: it lets an adult create a digital fingerprint of an image on their own device so participating platforms can find and remove copies.

Don't send money or more photos. Keep the messages and report the profile through our help centre. The guide to scams and blackmail explains how these schemes usually run.

Talking to someone

If you want to talk it through, a licensed marriage and family therapist will see individuals as well as couples. If you are struggling, call or text 988, the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, at any time. Our page on getting support lists more places to turn.

Before you meet

Our safety page and the guide to meeting safely cover first meetings, and the discretion page explains what the site shows and sends: the billing name, account emails and who can see your profile.