Choosing profile photos and details when you value privacy

Privacy on a dating site is mostly about what strangers can work out from what you show them. This guide covers your profile on Marital Affair: who sees it, what to put in it, and how to share more without losing control. What appears on bank statements and in your inbox is covered on our discretion page.

Who can see your profile?

Other Marital Affair members can see your profile, and so can members of partner sites in the same network, because profiles are shared across it. Those members can message you too, and each profile shows which site its owner joined through. Write and choose photos on the assumption that a large number of strangers will see them, some of whom may live near you.

Every photo is reviewed, and the image rules don't allow nudity or lingerie. Review is about content, though, not about how identifiable you are. That part is up to you.

Photos that say less

A discreet photo is one a stranger finds appealing and an acquaintance would struggle to place.

• Use photos that aren't online anywhere else. A picture from your social media can be matched in seconds with a reverse image search, using tools such as Google Lens or TinEye. That works both ways: it is how you check others, and how others could find you.
• Watch the background. Your street, your house, your office, your car's number plate, a local landmark, a team shirt, a uniform or a lanyard all narrow down who you are.
• Mind the distinctive details. Tattoos, scars and unusual jewellery are memorable to anyone who knows you.
• Crop out other people. Never include anyone else, including children, even partly.
• Think about the face question. Showing your face makes you easier to recognise; not showing it may make people more cautious about replying. Many people choose a clear, flattering photo that would mean little to a stranger, and share more once they trust someone.

A five-minute photo check

Before you upload anything, run through this:

1. Is this photo anywhere else online? Run a reverse image search on it yourself.
2. Is there anything in the background a neighbour or colleague would recognise?
3. Is anyone else in it, even partly?
4. Does it show a tattoo, uniform, logo or distinctive item?
5. Was location tagging on when it was taken?

If any answer worries you, choose a different photo or take a new one somewhere neutral.

Hidden information in photo files

Photo files can carry hidden details, known as metadata or EXIF data, including the date and, if location tagging was switched on, where the picture was taken. Before uploading, check your camera's location setting, or use a photo you know was taken with location turned off. Many phones also let you strip location details when you share or export a photo; check your phone's sharing options.

The words: what to leave out

Your profile should say what you are like and what you are looking for. It doesn't need to say who you are.

Use a username you don't use anywhere else. A reused username can be searched as easily as a photo. Avoid your initials, birth year, house number, pet's name or a nickname friends use. A neutral word or two, such as a colour and a place you have never lived, gives nothing away and is easy to remember.

The profile fields

The profile form offers fields such as your gender and sexuality, the gender you are looking for, the age range and distance you want to search, and optional details including religion, ethnicity, languages, children, smoking and drinking. Fill in what helps the right people find you. The optional ones are optional: a rare combination of details in a small town can be as identifying as a name.

An example of a discreet "about me", to put in your own words:

"Professional, fifties, south of the river. Fond of long lunches, old films and walking the long way round. Married, looking for discreet, unhurried company with someone who understands what that means."

It says something real about the person and nothing a stranger could look up.

Sharing more as trust grows

Messages stay in your account on the site, which is the safest place to get to know someone. When you are ready to share more:

• Have a video call before you share anything intimate.
• Don't send intimate images that show your face, tattoos or your surroundings. Once sent, you can't control where an image goes.
• Never share images of anyone else.
• Be wary of anyone who asks for explicit photos early or insistently. It is a common opening for sextortion, explained in our guide to scams and blackmail.
• Hold back your surname, workplace and social media until you have met in public and want to keep seeing each other.

If your photos turn up elsewhere

Keep a record of where you saw them (the web address and a screenshot), then report them to the site or platform involved. Then get specialist help where you live:

If you are 18 or over and the images were taken when you were an adult, StopNCII.org can create a fingerprint of each image on your own device so participating platforms can block copies; the image itself never leaves your phone. If someone is threatening to share images unless you pay, that is a crime: stop replying, keep the evidence and report it to the police.

When you leave

Deleting your account removes your profile. Cancel any membership in Settings > Billing first, then delete; our guide to cancelling or deleting your account shows the steps. For the wider picture of how the site works, see how affair websites work, and before any meeting read the first-meeting safety checklist.