Staying safe when you meet someone from Marital Affair

What the site checks, and what it doesn't

Every photo on Marital Affair is reviewed. That is the extent of it: nobody checks that a member's name, age, location, job or marital situation is true, and a reviewed photo is not proof that the person messaging you is the person pictured. ID verification through LEM Verify is required only for some sign-ups and is otherwise an optional badge.

So the person you are talking to is, for now, a stranger. That is true on any dating site. On an affair site, the stakes are higher, because people who fear exposure are easier to pressure, and scammers know it.

The warning signs

Most scams on dating sites follow a small number of scripts. Any one of these is a reason to slow down; two together are a reason to stop.

• A rush off the site. They want to move to a messaging app or text within the first few messages.
• No live contact. They avoid a voice or video call, or the camera is always "broken".
• Money, in any form. A medical bill, a stranded journey, a customs fee, an investment "opportunity", gift cards, crypto.
• Early pressure for intimate photos, or sending you intimate images unasked and expecting the same back.
• Too much, too soon. Intense declarations of feeling before you have met.
• A story that shifts. Details about their job, location or circumstances that change between conversations.

Never send money, gift cards or cryptocurrency to someone you have met online, however good the reason sounds. The guide to scams, blackmail and fake profiles walks through each pattern in more depth.

If someone threatens to share your photos or messages

This is sextortion: blackmail using intimate images or messages, real or claimed. It is a crime, and in every part of the UK sharing or threatening to share intimate images without consent is a criminal offence in its own right. The demand can come fast, sometimes soon after an exchange of images or a video call, and the threat is to send everything to your partner, family, employer or social media contacts.

1. Stop replying and don't pay. Payment is no guarantee they will stop, and it marks you as someone who pays.
2. Keep the evidence. Screenshot the profile, the messages, the demand and any payment details they give.
3. Report the account through the members help centre, with the profile name and what happened.
4. Report it to the police where you live (see below).
5. Get specialist help with the images. In the UK, the Revenge Porn Helpline supports adults experiencing intimate image abuse, including webcam blackmail, by email at help@revengepornhelpline.org.uk. Anywhere, StopNCII.org lets adults create a digital fingerprint of an intimate image on their own device so that participating platforms can detect and remove copies; the image itself is not uploaded.

Feeling ashamed is normal. It is also exactly what the person threatening you is relying on.

Before and during a first meeting

• Talk properly first, including a voice or video call, so you know the person matches their photos.
• Meet in a busy public place, such as a hotel bar or a café, and get there and back under your own steam.
• Tell one person you trust where you will be and when you expect to be home, and agree a time to check in.
• Keep your drink with you, and stay sober enough to make your own decisions.
• Leave whenever you want to. You don't owe anyone a second drink, an explanation or anything more.
• Don't share your home address, workplace or financial details until you have good reason to trust someone, and perhaps not then. The discretion page covers what the site itself shows and sends.

The first-meeting checklist has the full version. If you are meeting someone new for sex, the guide to sexual health with a new partner covers testing and protection.

Where to report scams and threats

If you are in immediate danger, call the emergency number: 999 in the UK, 999 or 112 in Ireland, 911 in the US and Canada, 000 in Australia. UK readers will find nation-by-nation detail, including the law on intimate images, on our UK page.

Reporting inside Marital Affair matters too. If a profile asks for money or makes threats, tell the help centre so it can be dealt with before it reaches someone else. And if you are unsure whether to carry on at all, getting support lists people you can talk to in confidence.