Scams, blackmail and fake profiles on affair sites

Every dating site attracts some scammers. Affair sites have a particular problem: the usual safety net of telling a friend, or asking someone whether a story sounds right, is the very thing many members feel they can't do. Report Fraud lists secrecy and isolation from friends and family among the classic warning signs of romance fraud. On an affair site a degree of secrecy is the starting point, so the other warning signs need to carry more weight.

Romance fraud: the pattern

Romance fraud is when someone builds an online relationship in order to get money from you. It follows a recognisable arc. Someone makes contact, is attentive and quick to build intimacy, and keeps the relationship online. Then a need appears: a medical bill, a frozen bank account, a ticket to come and see you, an investment that could set you both up.

Report Fraud's warning signs, adapted for this setting:

• Any request for money, in any form: bank transfer, gift cards, vouchers, cryptocurrency or an "investment" opportunity.
• Urgency. The money is needed today, and there's no time to think or ask anyone.
• A relationship that stays online. Reasons to avoid a video call or a meeting keep coming.
• Photos that appear elsewhere. A reverse image search shows the pictures belong to someone else.

You can check photos with Google Images, Google Lens, Bing, TinEye or Yandex; the Revenge Porn Helpline suggests trying more than one, since a picture may appear on one engine but not another. The FBI adds a further sign that applies here: be suspicious of anyone who pushes you to move the conversation to a different app.

An example of how a request can arrive, so you recognise the shape of it:

"I hate even asking. My card's been blocked while I'm working abroad and the hotel won't let me check out. I'll pay you back the day I'm home, and then we can finally have that weekend."

Every part of that is designed to make saying no feel unkind. The details change; the shape doesn't.

The rule that covers almost every case is simple. Never send money to someone you have met online, however good the story or however long you have been talking.

Sextortion: threats to share images or tell your partner

Sextortion is blackmail using intimate images, videos or messages. It often starts with a flirtatious exchange that moves quickly to explicit photos or a video call, sometimes secretly recorded. Then comes the threat: pay, or the images go to your partner, your family, your employer or your contacts. On an affair site the threat may simply be to tell your partner.

What specialist services advise, in their own words where it matters:

1. Don't pay or negotiate. The Revenge Porn Helpline says: "Do not give them any time or money and do not negotiate." Demands are often set low to tempt payment, and blackmailers usually come back for more.
2. If you have already paid, don't send any more. Contact your bank, or the service you used to send the money.
3. Stop all contact and block them on every platform, and report the account to the platform.
4. Keep the evidence. Screenshot the threats, usernames, any payment details they gave and the links to anything posted. Report Fraud advises against deleting anything that could be evidence, and suggests deactivating social media accounts rather than deleting them.
5. Report it to the police. In the UK, call 101, or 999 if you are in immediate danger. Even when the blackmailer is overseas, a report adds to the intelligence police use against these groups.
6. Protect your images. If you are 18 or over and the images were taken when you were an adult, StopNCII.org can create a digital fingerprint of each image on your own device. Only the fingerprint is shared, and participating platforms use it to detect and remove copies.

Report Fraud is plain on one more point: it is not your fault, and the most important thing is to get help.

The law in the UK

Sharing, or threatening to share, an intimate image without consent can be a criminal offence anywhere in the UK. In England and Wales, section 66B of the Sexual Offences Act 2003 covers incidents after 31 January 2024, including threats to share. Scotland's offence is in section 2 of the Abusive Behaviour and Sexual Harm (Scotland) Act 2016, and Northern Ireland's is in section 51 of the Justice Act (Northern Ireland) 2016.

The Revenge Porn Helpline supports adults living in the UK on 0345 6000 459, from 10am to 4pm, Monday to Friday (excluding bank holidays), and by email at help@revengepornhelpline.org.uk.

When the threat comes from someone you've met

Not every threat comes from a stranger overseas. Sometimes it comes from someone you have actually been seeing: an affair that ended badly, a partner who wants more than you can give, or someone who wants money to stay quiet. The threat might be to tell your partner, your employer or your family.

Demanding money or other property backed by threats can be blackmail, whoever it comes from; in England and Wales it is an offence under section 21 of the Theft Act 1968. Threats to share intimate images are a separate crime in their own right. The same steps apply:

1. Don't pay, and don't agree to demands in the hope it will end there.
2. Keep every message, voicemail and email, with dates.
3. Stop engaging. Say nothing, or one short line such as "I won't be responding to threats."
4. Report it to the police, and report the profile through the members help centre.
5. Get support. Our guide to getting support lists counselling and crisis lines.

Some people decide that the threat loses its hold once they have talked to their partner themselves. That is a hard, personal decision, and nobody else should make it for you. If the person is turning up at your home or work, or you feel unsafe, treat it as an emergency and call the police.

Fake and misleading profiles

On Marital Affair every photo is reviewed, but nobody verifies what members write about themselves, and the network's member terms say profiles and interactions may not always be what they seem. Profiles are also shared with partner sites in the same network, so you will meet people who joined elsewhere. An optional ID badge shows that a member has passed an ID and selfie check; most members won't have one.

Signs a profile deserves caution:

• the photos look professional, or turn up elsewhere in a reverse image search
• the person declares strong feelings very quickly
• they refuse a short video call, repeatedly
• they want to move to another messaging app almost at once
• details shift between conversations: job, town, age, children
• the conversation drifts towards money, investments or a crisis

None of these proves anything alone. Two or three together should make you stop and check. Our guide to profile photos and privacy covers the other side: making yourself harder to target.

If you have already sent money

Contact your bank or card provider straight away, explain what happened and keep an eye on your statements. Report Fraud warns that people who have lost money are often targeted again by "recovery" services promising to get it back for a fee. Treat any such offer as another scam.

Where to report it

Report it twice: to the site through the members help centre, so the profile can be dealt with before it reaches someone else, and to the authorities where you live.

Elsewhere, report to your local police. If you are in immediate danger anywhere, call the emergency services.

Making yourself a harder target

• Keep conversations on the site until you have spoken on video and met in public.
• Don't share your surname, workplace, home address or social media accounts early on.
• Think hard before sending intimate images, and never send any that show your face or anything that identifies you.
• Decide now that you will never pay anyone who threatens you. It is much easier to hold that line if you made the decision calmly in advance.

For in-person safety, see meeting someone for the first time. The safety page has the short version of everything here, our guide to how affair websites work explains what the site checks, and is Marital Affair legit? covers billing and the company behind the site.