Cancelling your membership or deleting your account

Leaving a dating site is two jobs, not one. Cancelling stops the membership renewing, so you aren't charged again. Deleting removes your account and profile. They are separate on almost every site, and doing only one of them is the usual reason people are surprised later.

Cancel or delete: which do you need?

If you only want to stop paying, cancel. If you want to leave for good, cancel and then delete.

Cancel a membership

Memberships, including any trial, renew automatically at the end of each period until you cancel. Cancelling takes a minute.

1. Log in to the members area. Type the address yourself or use a bookmark rather than a link in an unexpected email.
2. Open Settings, then Billing.
3. Cancel your membership and look for the confirmation on screen.
4. Take a screenshot of the confirmation, or note the date and time, in case you need it later.

Cancelling stops future renewals. If you only wanted one period, cancelling soon after you pay is the simplest way to avoid a renewal you forget about. Check the confirmation screen for anything you need to know about the period you have already paid for.

Refunds are limited and are governed by the member terms. If you were charged after meaning to cancel, contact the members help centre as soon as you notice.

Delete your account

Cancel any membership first, then delete. Deleting is meant to be final, so make sure you have everything you need from the account before you start.

1. Click your avatar (your profile picture) in the members area.
2. Open Settings.
3. Choose Delete Account and confirm.

Deleting removes your profile. The network's partner sites share one member database, so your profile was visible there too; deleting your account is the step that ends that. How long account data is kept afterwards is set out in the members privacy policy.

Before you delete: a short checklist

A few minutes of checking first saves trouble later. Run through this before you press Delete.

• Membership cancelled, with the confirmation saved.
• Evidence kept, if anyone has threatened you, asked for money or harassed you. Screenshot the profile, the messages and any demands before you delete anything; our guide to scams and blackmail explains why evidence matters and where to report.
• Contact elsewhere ended. Deleting your account doesn't remove a phone number or email address you gave someone. If you need to end things with a person first, how to end an affair with care covers what to say.
• Account emails. Once the account is gone, the site has no reason to email you; if anything still arrives, tell the help centre.

Common mistakes when leaving

Most problems after leaving come from a handful of avoidable slips.

• Deleting before cancelling. Once the account is gone you can't log in to check billing. Cancel first.
• Cancelling the wrong account. If you have used more than one email address, check each one; a forgotten second account renews just the same.
• Relying on your bank alone. Asking your bank to block a payment doesn't cancel the membership or delete your profile. Cancel in Settings > Billing as well.
• Assuming a deleted profile deletes messages someone else saved. Deleting removes your profile from the site. It can't reach screenshots or copies another person has kept.
• Leaving it until the renewal date. Cancel as soon as you know you are done, so a delay never costs you another period.

Reporting someone before you go

If someone on the site asked you for money, threatened you or harassed you, report their profile before you delete your account. Contact the members help centre with their username, what happened and when, and attach your screenshots. That helps stop the same person reaching someone else, and it is far easier to do while you can still log in. Threats and fraud should also go to the police or fraud service where you live.

Your data after you leave

Deleting your account removes your profile; how long the members area keeps other account data, such as payment records, is set out in its privacy policy. If you live in the UK or EU, data protection law gives you the right to ask for a copy of your personal data and, in some circumstances, to have it erased.

The UK regulator, the Information Commissioner's Office, says an organisation normally has one calendar month to respond to an erasure request, and that the right is not absolute: it applies only in certain circumstances, and an organisation can refuse in some cases. Make any request through the members help centre, and keep a copy of what you sent.

If you can't get in

Use the password reset on the login page with the email address you joined with, and check your spam or junk folder for the link. If that doesn't work, our log-in help page covers the usual problems, or contact the help centre with the date and amount of a payment so your account can be found.

A charge you don't recognise

Marital Affair charges appear under the billing name shown at checkout. Because memberships renew automatically, an unexpected charge is usually a renewal that wasn't cancelled.

1. Check any email accounts you might have used for a sign-up or payment confirmation.
2. Contact the help centre with the date and amount.
3. If you still believe the charge isn't yours, contact your card provider.
4. In the UK, if your bank or card provider doesn't resolve the complaint, you can take it to the Financial Ombudsman Service, which is free.

The prices page shows what each membership costs, and what affair sites cost explains how renewals and trials work.