If you are looking to add a friend with benefits while you are married, the chances are that something is missing from your current relationship – but it isn’t enough of a problem to merit ending what may well be a strong relationship.
Sometimes differences in interests or other areas creep up in a marriage. If you are a marathoner but your wife prefers long afternoons at a museum, you can both accommodate each other’s interests, but you are both likely to make friends of the opposite sex who are more into your common interest than your spouse is. So you might find yourself on long training runs, talking to someone who sparks your interest. If the interest is returned, then why not become friends with benefits? After all, you both like the same things, and you have that physical spark.
Having a FWB is not without its issues, especially when emotions come into the situation. Sure, you might like going for a 12-mile run, and then showering together and having brunch in bed before coming back home, but what if one of you starts to want more? If you’ve decided that this situation is going to be strictly friends with benefits, how can you keep matters from threatening your marriage?
First of all, have a clear conversation about ground rules before you jump into bed together – or soon after that first time. If you’re both married, you have a lot to protect, but if you both want to have a strings-free arrangement, there’s nothing stopping you as long as you both know what’s going on. Talk about your boundaries.
Second, pay attention to the conversations that you have. If the other person starts complaining about his or her spouse all the time, this is a definite red flag. These complaints could be a sign that your friend’s marriage is unravelling. If you give your friend too much sympathy, he or she could view you as a perfect next spouse. The problem is that you are happy in your current marriage and don’t want to change things. This can lead to significant disagreements.
Finally, don’t cause false hopes of something more from your own end. If you’re really just friends with benefits, do you need to exchange gifts, send flowers or exchange other items that have the symbolic value of romance and love? Do you need to go out for a candlelit dinner and then a night at the opera? Remember – you’re not trying to build a long-term relationship together. Instead, you’re just having fun with one another. It’s easy to create expectations for more, though, when the fun that you are having starts to cloud your rational judgment.
There’s no reason why having a ‘no strings attached’ situation is a bad thing. However, problems often come up when emotion enters the situation. Use these tips to keep the two of you content in your affair – while you’re still both happy at home as well.Tags: Affair, affairs, friends with benefits, married dating